


Reminisce

by memoirs_of_a



Series: Death is a release from desires that make us their puppets -Marcus Aurelius [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Drabble Collection, Headcanon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 20:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11540007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoirs_of_a/pseuds/memoirs_of_a
Summary: rem·i·nisceverbindulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.





	Reminisce

The door opens before Levi can grab the handle. He glares at the figure before him and swallows hard not to let his anger get the best of him. Erwin said he’s wasn’t directly involved in the beatings……. torture and it probably would have been worse if someone else was commander of the military police. Levi thinks it’s all bullshit but there’s a history between those two he can’t seem to make sense of. He asked Mike once if it was the type of history that involved a dick up someone’s ass with a smirk. Mike snorted and replied “Do you really want me to answer that truthfully?” Levi never brought up the topic again. So, for Erwin’s sake Levi manages to spit out a greeting of “Commander” despite the urge to see that shitty thing he calls a goatee stained red with a punch to the nose......or worse.

  
A short “Captain” Nile responds as he finds himself in a staring contest with humanity’s strongest. Erwin breaks the silence and the tension. “Nile, thank you again and please give my regards to Marie and the little ones.” Nile’s eyes dart from Erwin to Levi then back to Erwin. He shakes his head, turns, and exits waving off the good bye. “Yeah, yeah.“

  
Levi closes the office door and walks up to the desk. Bruises are taking on a yellow hue, cuts fading Levi notices as Erwin lowers his head to continue working. Sina, he wants to slit the throat of every guard/solider that touched him. He briefly scans the document Erwin is composing from his angle but can only make out a few words and Zackery’s name. He scowls and crosses his arm. "So, what did the unicorn fucker want?” doing little to hide the annoyance in his tone.

  
Erwin stops his pen. “He’s looking into a personal matter for me."

  
Levi arches an eyebrow. Personal matter? "Anything I should know about” he commands more than asks.

  
But Erwin doesn’t raise his head to look Levi in the face. “No, not at this time.”

  
Levi knows he’s hiding something but he doesn’t press. _Fine. Let him have his shitty secrets. Probably another gamble. Idiot._ He sighs. “Give me that” as he grabs the sheet. “Your handwriting still looks like shit”. He pulls up a chair next to Erwin and starts to rewrite the document.

  
“Thank you, Levi.” There’s a smile in Erwin’s reply but Levi chooses to not look up and concentrates on deciphering the letter.

  
“Yeah well, don’t get use to this. I’m not going to be doing this for you the rest of our lives."

  
"I wouldn’t dare” Erwin whispers.

* * *

 

Weeks later, Levi finds himself late one night sitting across from Erwin sipping tea. Erwin’s penmanship has slowly progressed but as for the other matter, not a word. Levi’s patience is wearing thin so he initiates, a rarity. “Those brats are going to run me ragged."

  
Erwin looks up and chuckles much to Levi’s surprise. "I honestly don’t know if you are referring to the orphans or your own squad Levi."

  
He rolls his eyes. "Tch.” Silence falls upon them except for the sounds of harsh strokes on parchment. Erwin didn’t take the bait. Levi wants to break the pen in half, demand Erwin’s attention. “Oi, spit it out before you shit yourself!”

  
The outburst catches Erwin off guard. He almost jumps in his seat smearing ink in the process. “Levi, I…….. what is the meaning?” but he’s cut off.

  
“You’ve looked constipated since Nile came by this week. Care to share?" he drawls out.

  
Erwin cruses mentally to himself. There’s just no fooling this man. He sets the pen down and takes a deep breath. "Forgive me Levi” he says avoiding eye contact with the man as he pulls open a draw and removes a piece of paper. He looks at it for a second or two before placing it face down on the desk in front of Levi. “I believe this belongs to you now but I wasn’t quite sure how to………” he trails off with a worried look.

  
Levi stands up and walks forward still looking at Erwin with suspicion. The paper is old, a yellow hue, dog eared in the corners, stained in spots, perhaps from water or even blood? Fingers press into the paper and he hesitantly slides it off the desk. Levi’s eyes blow wide as he takes the sketch in. Something seems to go off in the deep recesses of his mind. Pictures, no memories flashing before his very eyes. It’s chaotic and gives him a sense of vertigo. He needs to sit down so he scoots backwards till the back of his calves hit the couch.

  
Erwin has concern written across his face. Several minutes have gone by without a sound. Levi’s face is still pale. He clears his throat. “She’s very lovely Levi” and that seems to break Levi from his trance.

  
Levi’s head jerks up, eyes narrow. His body at full alert and defensive. “Where did you get this?” comes out harsher the he means too.

  
Erwin treads carefully. “Nile” he replies firmly.  
“Nile?” Levi questions with disbelief.

  
Erwin clears his throat. “The military police have finished their investigation of the anti-personal control squad. Kenny Ackerman according to their documentation has no living kin. Therefore, I asked Nile as a personal favor that all of Ackerman’s possessions be released into survey corp custody” Erwin states calmly, almost monotone not to set Levi off.

  
Levi returns his gaze to portrait and almost relaxes. “I see."

  
Erwin continues "Besides some clothes and personal grooming objects, a vast knife collection was recovered as well. Would you like those as well?"

  
"No surprise there” Levi snorts. “I still have the one he gave me. Do whatever you want with the rest.” Another puzzle piece comes into place with this tidbit of information. Erwin had always made assumptions about Levi having favoritism for a particular switchblade in his possession where in the past, Levi dismissed any inquiries on the subject. But to be honest, he couldn’t fault Levi for he still has secrets of his own.

  
Erwin observes Levi, watches him as he traces lines with his fingertips. He did the same when Nile first handed him the sketch and tells him a name. Her hair black, a sad smile, sharp nose, probably no older than fifteen he would guess but then again, Levi has never looked his age so why would she. And those piercing eyes, they are Levi’s. Even Nile commented on them putting two and two together. Erwin feels guilty for being selfish. He has kept this memento to himself close to a week removing it out of the drawer time and time again. Just staring. A time of innocence before the harsh reality of the underground, no this world that took her life. He thought he masked his emotions well this past week, but perhaps he lost that part of himself in that cell. Or maybe it’s just Levi. He reflects and thanks whatever gods there are in this forsaken place for her……. for him.

  
Levi’s eyebrows furrow. "I always thought I imaged this. It was too good to be true because it just didn’t make sense. I was just some dumb kid. What did I know?” Levi mutters looking up from the paper at Erwin. Erwin doesn’t push him for an explanation but Levi sees the puzzlement in his eyes. And surprisingly, he wants to share this with Erwin.  
Levi closes his eyes and dives back through forgotten memories trying to piece it all together. A minute or two after Levi collects his thoughts, he starts talking while looking back down. “I think once maybe twice a year he come back from the bars, a job, whatever and he’d take this sketch out and just stare at it. He.” Levi shallows hard as Erwin watches the bobbing of his Adam’s apple. “He’d say get over here shorty and let me climb in his lap.” Levi’s face softens. “And he’d hold my finger and we would just trace her face going over all the details.” But then his tone hardens and Erwin can see his hands start to shake. “I didn’t even recognize it was her, you know. Just thought it was some pretty young girl. Some son, right?” he remarks as he glances up at Erwin.

  
The hurt is evident and Erwin’s fingers twitch. He wants to get up, he wants to wrap his arms around Levi, whisper consoling words with kisses in his hair. But he doesn’t move, just sits and listens not losing eye contact.

  
Seconds go by that feel like eternity until Levi bites his lip and turns away. He gets a second boost of courage to continue the story. “And then Kenny would hum this tune and I fucking knew it Erwin.” One corner of Levi’s lip twitches, a ghost of the smile. “I was so excited and we hum,.......no we sang it together.” Erwin hears the mirth in Levi’s voice. They make eye contact again, and Levi looks years younger. “Her lullaby……. to me” Levi whispers.

  
Levi sits back, chin pointing to the ceiling, closes his eyes, and starts humming a tune. Erwin has heard it before…… but only from Levi to be quite honest. It echoes in the stables as Levi grooms his horse, fills the hallways during the scrubbing the floors, Erwin’s office with the dusting of bookshelves, and Levi’s private quarters while cleaning his 3D gear. Erwin asked him about it once in passing and Levi clammed up so fast it made his head spin. He learned his lesson not to impose again. He assumed it was from Levi’s childhood, but some memories remained best buried or perhaps forgotten. That doesn’t stop Erwin from memorizing the tune, a piece of Levi he tells himself. The tune stops but Erwin keeps his eyes closed basking in the comfortable silence that falls upon the room.

  
Levi inhales and his voice shakes a first. Levi never was a boisterous singer but with each passing line, he gains confidence. Erwin’s first blames the softness in melody as he concentrates to make out the words till his eyes snap open with realization. Levi still has his eyes closed but now sits forward, a slight glow on his cheeks, whether from fluster or the glow of candlelight Erwin can’t tell. The syllables that cross Levi’s lips are foreign, notes haunting but beautiful.

  
“Levi that was……” Erwin says with awe when Levi finishes looking at Erwin.

  
“Gibberish. Right? Or at least that’s what I thought when I was little.” Levi’s replies shaking his head. “He said I had to keep it a secret.” Levi pauses. “He caught me singing it one time and well... He said it was a mistake, I should forget it. We never sang again.” Levi doesn’t need to elaborate. Erwin knows all too well how the naivety of a child’s words can bring about death. Silence stretches between the two again.

  
But Erwin’s curiosity gets the best of him. “Do you know what the lyrics mean?” regretting it the moment the words come out. Last thing he wants is to draw out the hurt, pain.

  
“I…..” Levi frowns. He releases a deep breath through his nose and concentrates at some imaginary spot on the floor. Chewed lips barely move but no sound comes out.

  
“A mother…..telling her son to sleep. Something about the moon, stories. I’m not sure but he needs to close his eyes and sleep.” He repeats the second verse to himself in the same manner, barely a whisper. “He has to learn a soldier’s life shoot a gun, ride a horse I think. But for now, she asks him to sleep.”

  
Frustration paints Levi’s face. It takes him longer to figure out the third and fourth verses. He repeats words only to shake his head moments later at his thoughts. Erwin wants to stop him from this struggle, say he’s given him more then he could ever fathom. But Levi is stubborn, determined. “Don’t. I’m almost there.” Erwin nods. Levi fidgets, a leg starts bouncing.

  
Erwin is not sure how much time has passed but Levi eventually stills his movements. “He leaves looking like a hero. they wave good bye and she wonders how many tears she’ll cry that night. Sleep tight…..her angel. She waits, she prays, she thinks he’s in trouble in a foreign land. So, sleep now, you don’t know any sorrows.”

  
He sings the first line from the final verse. “She gives him something.” Sings the second. “To look at before battle” Sings the third but stops.

  
“Levi……..?”

  
“So he’ll remember. The last part. she……. she asks he doesn’t forget her.” Levi bits his lip again as he stares at the sketch. He glances up through bangs falling in front of his face. “Erwin….I” but Erwin puts his hand up and shakes his head. Levi nods in return grateful because he’s not even sure if he can even find the words.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [LostCauses Music and Silence ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5935645/chapters/24679836)  
> Cossack Lullaby used for Lullaby Ref  
> unbeta'd


End file.
